Schools out, i gotta cry, i gotta shout. Everything is going crazy and from now on i cant be lazy. gotta live my life without regret, cause now i’m 18 i should watch my threats. dont want to be going to jail for something stupid, that would just be the meaning of “fail”.
So, now all i gotta do is set things straight, look forward and keep moving. wish me luck cause i need the support from God.
“light the way of the dark that surrounds me.”
well. I just arrived to Fairfax, VA… and its freezing! -_-. anyways my school day started out great… you know the usual “don’t do your work” day at school. until pulio decided to not give me extended time to do my eodipus and prometheus or w/e questions where I was out and couldn’t get the work done…. GOD! what a bitch. honestly… she needs something in her life to keep her on a leash. -_-;;; anyways. throughout the whole car ride here, i had hot cocoa… btw was delicious! and I slept most of the way… I have no clue how I slept with all that sugar running though my veins.
Would you believe me if I told you truth. the reason why I act the way I do. whether its for me or for you? is it suppose to be said in the open where everyone can hear and see, the reason that I’m here and came to be?. questions, the only things that fill my poor little head, every night drowning myself in senseless tears in bed.
When I was young i was striped of my emotions. not to feel loneliness or lose. just to feel the nothingness that drove my life. that all change since the day we met…… -_-; w/e not going to explain…..
anyways i can hear though my right ear now… yet, I cannot feel the presence of others on my right side… it is very… interesting.
thinking back to the time we first met, not talking to you is something that I will always regret. That was the time when i was always shy, and would always cry. because of the shit I was going through, I bet you never knew.
ever since the day he left, my first jundo we all felt bereft. He would talk with us with understanding, even after youth group began disbanding. one by one people would leave, leaving my heart left to grieve. Even him the one who I always looked up to, the one whos been there for everything I’ve gone through. My brother related my blood, leaving me there felt like a flood. Left alone with no one who really cared, I was in darkness and really scared. Now that we have started this new group, where communication is easy as making chicken noodle soup. I began to actually talk, instead of looking away and walk.
When I look to you am I trying to hard?, always being on guard. to keep not only you, but everyone safe from what may come through? trying to take on the role as a leader, I feel that I fail as I am as a reader.
People still say, in the good ol’ days. That I brought people together, between the jundos, moka’s and kids or whatever. I don’t know what I should believe, or just to see what happens if I leave.
They say I have a talent working with people always with love and affection, when they think back when I was young on reflection. They said I was always helped, each and every time my name was yelped.
but thinking now on everything that I have wrote, I have finally made a vote. That truly my life was in true chaos and hell, but all I gotta say is “Oh well”.
I just gotta listen to the beat, taking out my heat. I need to get away from the pain, cause i know from this there is nothing to gain. Gotta listen to the lyrics for what they have to say, cause most the shit that’s said isn’t particularly gay. I know some of the words i say are lame, or to you it may sound like a game. but to me, this is my struggle to become free. free from the bullshit and crap, that people try to rap. to make themselves feel better, no matter the weather. whether it’s sunny and bright, or rainy without the sunlight. so im here to set a message through this rap, to tell the world that I dont give a crap…………………..
Im lost to the point of no return, damn it i just wish it’d all just burn. I got a load of shit to do, but i’ve lost my motivation to start anything new. These are the words of truth, and this isn’t anything that you can get at any fortune telling booth.
The voice in my head said that you were the one, and that I will have a chance once you were to be done. Never told me when to begin, or if that this feeling in my heart could just be another sin. Right now, i will allow. for this brain of my to not know if writing this song, would either be for the right or for the wrong. but do not worry cause in the end, my life will bend. in the directions where i never want to go, I feel as if my life is like hell down below. yeah I know this point of the song is completely depressing, but truly i feel as if my life was never a blessing. that it was a curse at birth, to be living on this earth. Filled with sinfulness and hate, but right now it is just to late.
my mind is in hellfire, it like a live electrical wire. whipping left to right, or maybe like a mob in a fight.
WHAT AM I WRITING! WHY AM I FIGHTING?
I just cant give up the love, even when push come to shove. I stand up tall, again getting up whenever i fall. I cannot resist the passion in my heart, cause it was always there from the start. just give me a chance, cause i know we will celebrate and dance…….
